You Broke Our Agreement – How Can I Trust You? Part 1 of 2
A couple has an agreement with each other. One partner isn’t keeping the agreement.
How can they stay connected?
How does the couple move from the intellectual fight into their hearts?
Bringing it to a real life example, one partner gets really frustrated and angry after two or three years of constant reminding… the other partner never takes out the trash, does the dishes, feeds the dog on time… even though they made an agreement.
If one partner isn’t holding up their end of the bargain, then the partner that’s frustrated really is right. How do you deflate that, where one person’s needs are not being met?
How can they both be right, when logically, you can prove that one person is not doing their part?
The question doesn’t have the heart part in it, but just has the intellectual part. Couples will fight over the intellectual part, but the underlying emotions are running the show.
How do you bring that question, on a heart level, to each other?
There are an infinite number of scenarios like this for couples to solve, and solving it intellectually does not reconnect them.
Communication skills will not solve this. Bargaining will not solve this. Great logistical problem-solving skills will not solve this.
The emotions underneath these frustrations need to be understood.
Relationships are not bargains. Relationships are bonds, not unlike the parent-to-child bond.
There is often an emotional conversation happening underneath the logistical problem-solving conversation.
If the couple does not feel safe to say the truth to each other, to share what they are truly feeling about the situation, then the logistical conversation will be focused on, while the frustration continues.
This other conversation will be continuously happening all the time when a couple is distressed.
See Part Two in the blog section for the completion of the answer in video #2 with Derek & Eileen.