How Does A Couple Resolve Conflict?
Please be aware there is some very intense anger in this video one minute in.
There is a predictable set of things that are now understood about why a couple disconnects, and how to solve it. How much time will you spend over the course of your lifetime dedicated to your romantic relationship? How much education have you gotten, to really thrive in a relationship, to really do well? Did you take a test? Did you have to get a license? How can something this important have no formal instruction, ever, much like being parents? Let’s take a look at a high level conflict for a moment.
>> Philippe: You suggested it.
>> Philippe: The day we were talking about it to the kids, you suggested it yourself.
Then you took it away.
>> Caroline: Okay stop talking. You always are the one talking.
You, you are constantly yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap
It’s all about you! It’s all about you! I hate you! I hate you! I despise you!
You are such a selfish f**king narcissist from hell!
How, what did I do to deserve this?
I’ve always been such a good, decent woman. What did I do to —
I hate you! With all of my heart and soul. I despise you!
How could you do this to me? You bastard! How could you do this to me?
Take some f**king responsibility.
>> Derek: So if you didn’t get any kind of formal relationship training, which most of us haven’t, how do you learn to resolve a conflict?
For example, how do you learn to listen to your partner when they’re saying something that’s kind of heated, and you have to get your point across at the very same moment. What do you do with that?
I urge Philippe to risk sharing softer, more vulnerable feelings. And I ask him to turn to Caroline and try to make eye contact.
Philippe: But it’s judgement when I just want attention, but you tell me what to do, I did, and I did my trade, and I did it honestly, as a man, without any dishonesty, infidelity, like you were saying.
I’ve done all of that, and I gained no attention, and I was crying for it.
The last 6 months I told you so many times, we need to sit down, we need to find time, we need to go out, we need to, you need to find time to go out dinner.
>> Derek: How do we create the safe haven relationship we’ve always wanted? Not only with better communication. Or the latest and greatest sex secrets and tips. We need a plan.
>> Jed: It feels like, umm, like umm, an invitation to step up a little bit more in my life, to know that I can be there for her in the ways that she needs me to be there for her, and also manage the rest of my life.
In the 5 weeks we spent apart, like, it was, it was clear to me, that, like, I don’t want to live this life without her. So, it exists.
>> Derek: Good.
>> Zahid: I try to express, you know, what I find inside myself, and I just, I want you to hear it, I just like, understand, that’s basically it, I just have been trying to search inside myself of why I react the way I do why I feel that way I do about myself, and my fears about us in this I just want you there.
>> Desiree: Really, really a lot. It’s really a lot, all day, every day, with all kinds of people, all the time. I need you Lasse. I’m so strong when you’re good. I’m so strong when you’re good.
>> Derek: Here’s our question for the day. When your partner reaches for you, is your response an Open Invitation to keep listening? or a Closed Door to protect yourself? Please answer the question one at a time. Then switch.
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