The moment you join you will get an email with access to your portal with all the courses, all the lessons, pdfs and video trainings. You'll be invited into the Facebook group community to begin connecting with all the events, and you will see where questions/answers are located. Please give up to 24 hours to be added to the community.

The Relationship Lab and Attachment University memberships include all the courses and trainings that Derek has created, including:

The Gaslighting Series, Marriage 2.0, The Self Love Course, Relationship Mastery, The Listening Course, The Communication Course, Understand Male Sexuality and Couple Time How To Build Closeness.

Over 100 self-directed lessons are included in the courses. You can do most of them as an individual or as a couple. Keep an eye out for The Candlelight Ceremony in the Couple Time How To Build Closeness  course as it has helped hundreds of couples create a powerful ritual when they disconnect.

All times are displayed in Pacific Standard Time (GMT-8). The Relationship Lab events happen every first Thursday at 5pm pst and every third Thursday at 9am pst. The Attachment University events happen every second Thursday at 5pm pst and every fourth Thursday at 9am pst. Derek will announce and have surprise visits on some Saturdays at 9am pst for The Relationship Lab and Attachment University. All live video sessions will be recorded and available within your membership portal shortly after the live events. The best parts of the sessions will be turned into specific lessons to be easily searchable. You will all be contributing to a growing knowledge base for closeness and intimacy.

When members are led into connecting exercises in their own private rooms, those will be private and not recorded.

There are 4 ways to work with Derek.

1. On the main web page you can set up a private relationship strategy zoom video call with Derek as an individual or as a couple. This is not just an introduction, but a full session.

2. Join The Relationship Lab, a group for everybody wanting to master their relationships.

3. Join Attachment University, a full program to learn how to coach couples.

4. As a member of The Relationship Lab and/or Attachment University, you will be invited to many extra online and in person events.

Part of Derek's dream is to give away the knowledge at as low of a cost as possible. Excellent couples counseling has become cost prohibitive in most of the world. For in-person events, there will be additional costs to show up at each event. The cost will be determined partially by the venue, and partially by guest teachers. Derek will provide surprise online zoom sessions from time to time, and there will not be a charge. There will be some specialty groups, such as in-person couples groups, and practitioner supervision groups, that will incur additional charges.

Derek will participate in all the live sessions, twice per month. While singles and couples and all open relationship styles are welcomed, Derek will keep the focus on relationship struggles. He will mostly be working with people live in the sessions that are in couples. The powerful teachings will come when everybody in the sessions are sent into their own meeting rooms to discuss what happens in the live couples work. After you meet in your own rooms, you will come back and send questions to Derek during the sessions. This is more of a large group share, where we all participate. Derek will also have office hours, and will answer questions in the private Facebook group. Also questions from the Facebook group will be used to organize future lessons and topics for the live events.

There are two Facebook groups, one for the Relationship Lab and one for Attachment University. If you join both programs, you can become a member of both and ask questions in both.

All the courses reside on www.UnderstandEachOther.com. You will have access to the courses and to the recorded live sessions as long as you are a current paying member. Recorded sessions are available for The Relationship Lab and for Attachment University, depending on which courses you are currently participating in.

Relationships are difficult enough. The intentions of these programs are to help give you relief, at your own pace. There are two live events each month (two in Relationship Lab and two in Attachment University). Come to the ones live at your leisure, or watch the replays as you like. We are here to remove any sense of becoming overwhelmed in your life. There is plenty of time for integration and rest, and there is no requirement nor expectation placed on you. Even though there are over 100 lessons, most couples, whether in new relationships, or long-term relationships, find the 3 or 4 lessons they like and keep repeating them, such as The Candlelight Ceremony.

Your membership and access to the online content and online live events will be available during the billing cycle you have been successfully charged for. If you sign up during the Early Member Early Access Period, you will receive that discount for life. Note that if you cancel the course, and rejoin, you will be charged the price at that time. If you join two courses, such as The Relationship Lab and Attachment University as a bundle, and you cancel that bundle because you wish to rejoin only one of the courses, then you will be charged the single course price offering at that time.

Yes. Derek and the Understand Each Other Team will be regularly monitoring the community and helping to ensure that it remains a loving and respectful environment where we can all feel safe and supported. Our guidelines restrict promotional materials, and encourage kind and supportive interactions. Offensive or hostile behavior toward other participants is not permitted. If you have been witness to Derek's handling of comments on his personal Facebook page, the interactions will be similar. Derek will always model vulnerability whenever possible with participants. Our antagonism with each other comes from our pain. This group is here to heal us.

You can easily cancel at any time from within the my account section of your membership dashboard. You can also instantly switch from monthly to annually, update your billing information, and change your account info.

When you cancel a monthly or yearly membership from within your account, you will no longer be charged for the subscription and you continue to have access to the community until the end of that billing cycle.

Pro rated refunds are not available.

The system will pay out 20% commissions, so if you bring 5 people into either program, you will receive that program for free. You can make this a full time income very quickly. The system will have newly generated social media posts for you with your personal affiliate link automatically included, so in just a couple clicks you can tell your friends about this group in a post. You are paid monthly after one billing cycle has passed. The average time it will take to get paid is approximately 45 days from the date somebody signs up from your referral. As long as people stay signed up, you are paid on them forever.

You may join The Relationship Lab as a couple and just have the one monthly or yearly payment. Two partners in an open relationship, as a couple, or primary partners, that will always be on the zoom meetings together in the same room, can join under one account, with one monthly or yearly payment. People in polyamorous or open relationships, with multiple partners not living together that will sometimes be in different locations during the zoom events, must each have separate accounts. Note that ANY TIME YOU WANT TO, you can have somebody with you on the live call watching in the same location, and then possibly work with Derek directly. This means you can have a romantic partner, friend, family member or anybody that you would like to do work with live, but they must be in the same location with you.

If you join the Practitioner training as a couple, you can join under one account. Instructions about how to both be notified about groups lessons, events and other information will be given when you join in your welcome letter.

If you sign up as a couple, please email derek@understandeachother.com to make the special request to allow both of you into the Facebook group. The link to the Facebook group will be sent to you in your welcome letter.

If you refer the programs to others as an affiliate, however, only the signed up member will be paid. In that case it would be up to you to split the income between two (or more) of you. In this scenario, note that you can sign up and only get an affiliate link, without signing up with monthly or yearly fees. Then you will have your own affiliate link. Please email derek@understandeachother.com if you want more information about this scenario.

Derek has worked with every race, religion, sexual orientation, relationship style and gender-fluidity scenario. As he guides people back to vulnerability, the differences described here are only brought into awareness if they are necessary for the two (or more) people involved. If a couple, for example, had struggles in their relationship based on racial inequality, Derek would utilize this information to help the couple. Derek is aware that privilege can be based on a variety of social identities such as race, gender, religion, socioeconomic status, ability status, sexuality, age, education level and more. In the live Zoom calls it will be encouraged for people to state (and place next to their name) the pronouns that are important to them. Derek is also aware that privilege can be experienced on personal, interpersonal and institutional levels. With the prime focus on vulnerability and connection, Derek and The Understand Each Other Team are always concerned with helping people feel understood, and coming back into connection.

The Relationship Lab and Attachment University are going to turn into a full-blown school, the first school of its kind dedicated to attachment and intimacy for coaches, therapists, practitioners and all of us wishing to increase our emotional intelligence. While the events will start at smaller venues with 4-hour groups, the goal is to soon have one full day per month dedicated to relationship building skills.

Live IN PERSON events will happen on a first come, first served basis. Some of them will be free, and we ask you to make a strong attempt to come if you sign up, as there will be limited seating. The longer days will have an additional cost.

Yes. There will be a growing, nurturing education, a vocabulary that we want all participants to understand in this community. The language of attachment, a true attunement and connection with your fellow participants, will be well worth the small amount of time it takes to participate. The pricing for these live events will take into account the fact that people are also signed up as members of The Relationship Lab and/or Attachment University.

While these modalities are all small subsets of Derek's training, note that they will also be more specifically talked about in Attachment University.

The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy - following in the footsteps of Positive Psychology, methods are used here for couples that are in close connection already, not having high distress. Nurturing positive strengths is possible when the couple is able to listen to each other.

The John Gottman Institute - clear consistent communication, goal setting, and bids or reaches for connection are stressed here. This is also used for couples that like communication flowcharts and development of skillsets for communicating effectively.

Dr. Sue Johnson and Emotionally Focused Therapy - you will experience a very similar set of training tools as EFT provides. The biology of emotion, and the attunement of connection are emphasized.

Dr. Harville Hendrix – Imago Therapy - the childhood and its relation to adult present time experience is stressed. Needs are looked at in detail. One strong focus here will be how couples weaponize their past traumas and childhoods against each other. Couples that are ready for Imago training are usually not in high distress.

Dr. Esther Perel - one area of focus is with high functioning couples that area able to hear each other's desires. Desire as it relates to adult tention and anxiety will be examined. Polarity, a gentler version than the David Deida version, will be utilized. Success is achieved when individual healing and couples communication keeps strong desire alive.

If you are enrolled in traditional bachelors, masters or PhD programs, and wanting to attain mastery with couples, this course is perfect for you. Those programs give you a strong psychology foundation, but DO NOT touch at all on how different attachment couples work is. This is the place for you, and it perfectly complements your other training.

Yes! If your partner does not join, and you feel that is an indicator of distress in your relationship, then skills can be learned about how to discuss this with your partner. We so often go back and forth with frustrations, criticism and defensiveness. Learning how to express your concerns to your partner is a great skill we will work on in this Lab. And your partner always gets in at no extra charge when ready, so one day he/she might feel welcomed to show up.